Phone conversations last 30 seconds.
You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.
A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying.
You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go.
You can go to the bathroom alone.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."
You never have to clean the toilet.
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.
Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3.
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night.
If you're 34 and single, no one notices.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Flowers fix everything (or duct tape).
You never have to worry about other's feelings.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy worrying, "He must be mad at me".
One mood, all the time.
You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him.
Same work........more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks.
You don't care if someone is talking behind your back.
You don't pass on the dessert ... and then mooch off someone else's.
If you retain water, it is in a canteen.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom.
If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny.