- There is no such thing as child-proofing your home.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and then run over them with rollerblades, they
ignite.
-A four year-old voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
-If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a
42-pound boy wearing puppy pound underwear and a superman cape.
-It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20' X 20' room.
- Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
- You should not throw baseballs when the ceiling fan is on.
- When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before
you get a hit.
- A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
- The glass in windows (even double-paned ones) can't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling
fan.
-When you hear the toilet flush and the words, “Uh-Oh,” it's already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a thirty-six year old man
says they can only do it in the movies.
-A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
- If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak- it
explodes.
- A king-size waterbed contains enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house four inches
deep.
- Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year-old.
- Duplos will not.
- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
- Superglue is forever.
- McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
- So can Tarzan.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCR's do not eject Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Quiet does not necessarily mean Don't Worry.
- You probably don't want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before turning it on.
- Plastic toys do not like ovens.
- The fire department in San Diego has a least a five-minute response time.
- The washing machine's spin cycle does not make earthworms dizzy.
- It will, however, make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up half their body weight when dizzy.
-Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- A good sense of humour will get you through most problems in life (unfortunatley,
mostly in retrospect).